Sorry for the lack of content

Hello y’all even though I am grounded I found a loophole I can use electronics for homework and my next project for language arts is a short story so I am writing a short reincarnation light novelPlease enjoy this is my first attempt at one but I used a few good Books as inspration 

 

Wait why is it all dark I should be in chemistry class right now?

Where am I?
As I wonder where I am I try to assess the situation, but when I do all in coming up with a blank.

 The last thing I remember was ms. What’s Her Face teaching us about the orbitals of an atom and now I am here.
After God knows how long considering I am sitting in pitch blackness and I can’t feel my body I come up the idea that I must lucid dreaming, research saids you can control your dreams and they are very realistic, right? 

So let’s try to wake up…
Why isn’t it working there is no reasonable explanation for this, just what in gods name is going on!
I pray that this eternal madness will end. I predict that I have just been in a coma and will wake up in a hospital bed with a few months past.
About 3 weeks later; or so I predict, I am just stuck here; wherever here is, trying not to lose what’s left of my humanity, and I finally see something.

It’s a light I feel a strong urge to go to it but I feel like it is also a bad idea because all of the kleshas. 

For all I know I may have had a complication in the hospital and this could be the result.
After a little though I came to the conclusion that if I try nothing then nothing will come out of nothing, and so what does that leave me nothing. Knowing that nothing will get me nowhere I hurry towards The light with what little body motion I was able to muster up.
My eyes I can’t see, everything is too bright.

Whoa wait what is going on I can feel something giant grab ahold of the back of my neck.

I attempt to break free but my struggle was to no avail. I was only hit my a wave of fatigue as I now struggle to keep consciousness as I look up at my capture.

I can only see its green skin… 

Oh god it’s a real monster and it is so big.

Then everything faded to black.
I wake up in a dark; but somehow oddly it was easy to see, cave on a frigid stone slab unable to move and starving only to see when I look around a big green monster with a club over its shoulder walking over to me. 
This is it at least 17 years was a good run right? Mom and dad I wish I could have seen you one last time.
As I slam my eyelids shut and wait for the enviable crunch of my skull when the cub come down, but there was nothing but the pungent smell of raw meat. 
I shot my eyes open and looked to my right to find that the green figure had left, and left beside me some left over raw meat of its last victim.

So does this mean that I am just being stored for later?

So what next, why did it take me here, and why didn’t it kill me… Not that I am complaining or anything.
“Goual” 
Wait is that my stomach, man it is making such a loud noise. Now that I notice it I am so hungry I could eat even the raw meat beside me. 
You know that is what I will do I will eat the meat, because even if eating it kills me I will at least have gotten back at that monster that kidnapped me and incapacitated me.
As I reach for the meat I can see a small soft green three fingered hand in front of my reach as I turn my hand and can see the new hand do the same this means… 

Oh god what has happened to me!
I realize I am no long human but what am I.

While I try to think of the answer but the pain in my stomach just growing until something unexpected happened.

 I heard a voice.
[Necessary requirements met and you have now obtained hunger resistance LV1]
I want to call out to the person but find no one around me so I don’t how.

In the meantime at least I can feat so I crawl over the slab of raw meat half the size of me and begin. 
After somehow finishing the whole thing I wanted more but before I could get moving I was hit again by a wave of fatigue I tried to fight it and again I heard the voice.
[Necessary requirements met and you have now obtained sleep resistance LV1]
I feel some of the fatigue lift off of me so I look the origin of the voice but find myself still alone in the cave. 

Where is it coming from!?
As I try to focus on the voice an image appears in my head that looks to be game stats
—————————————————

Name: NA

Race: goblin (baby)

Level: 1

Heath 100%

Blessing:NA
Attack power 2

Defense 1 

Speed 1 

Magic power 1
Special skill

[voice of God LV1]

[night vision LV7]
Normal skills

[goblin language LV1]

[lead belly LV5]

[dig LV1] 
Resistance skills

[hunger resistance LV1]

[sleep resistance LV1]
Titles  

[natural leader: LV NA]
—————————————————

17 thoughts on “Sorry for the lack of content

  1. I know it may not be good but if you want me to post my progress on this page than please leave your opions here

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  2. A rush job? It’s a rush job. It’s a rush job, isn’t it? It surely feels like a rush job.

    Where to begin. I suggest you read it over once or twice, and think about each sentence.

    Punctuation. Pace. Pacing. Sentence structure. Descriptions. Choice of words. Emotion you want to convey.

    There’s just… too much to point out in a comment like this. Unless you’d like me to repost the whole thing, with fixes? Objectively, if I was a teacher, and only considered the spelling… I’d maybe give it a 6+, 7- at best. It’s readable, and gets the point across. From a literary perspective? As in, how well the story is written? Pass, at most.

    Proofread. Then proofread again.

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  3. In hindsight, a couple of clarifications are in order.

    I’m not trying to be mean here, apologies if I come across a bit grumpy. I’ve just had the… opportunity to proofread plenty of stuff (usually accompanied by much yelling), so I tend to be terse when it comes to commenting.

    Another point, since I’m not acquainted with you teacher, I can’t comment on how well a story like this will be received. A good teacher, will take the story as is and just comment on spelling, pacing, expressions, etc. A bad teacher, who is not familiar with this style of game/ln storytelling, would probably dock points for it. It’s an acquired taste.

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    1. No I love harsh critizem it is the only way to get better it is indeed rushed I only get 3 hours of down time a day and spend most of it reading I spend at least 14 hours a day at school and work

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      1. If you want more detailed feedback, I’ve got a bit of time. I set up a chatroom, seemed like the most… “no-strings-attached” kinda option. Here’s the link.

        http://www.e-chat.co/room/134645

        Naturally, if you’re paranoid like me and think it’s all viruses or whatnot, oh well. Just felt like the comment section wasn’t the most… efficient way to do, well, anything.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sorry it didn’t work out. Just wanted to give something back to the translators, no matter how miniscule it would have been… Good luck with the project, tho.

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  4. Hm I know where you got a portion of your influence and I do like those LN’s a lot. First I agree with Jack, I would reread your stuff a few times. Honestly I’m not the greatest with grammar and when my friend proofread my stuff it was “Run-on sentence hell” I’ll add a few things that you can take or leave.
    1) The adult goblin doesn’t seem to say anything at all? There’s a goblin language and the adult did not attempt to talk to the baby at all?
    2) I have a soft spot for the transfer without meeting a god, I did the same thing so I really enjoy that. Gives a lot of wiggle room for why the MC does what he does.
    3) The fact that he realizes he’s no longer human… I would like to see more behind the reasoning why he seems calm compared to before. The previous sections his thoughts go farther with his imagination on what has happened to him. But the fact that he’s become a goblin has ended with 2 sentences?

    I would like to see where this would go honestly for a while so keep up the good work. If you want I can make sure to send comments like this in the future. There ends up being so much stuff you can try to do to help yourself if you want to write.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Am I too late to jump on the constructive criticism bandwagon? If not, can I suggest that besides the already mentioned sentence structure, spelling, etc… you potentially reassess the pacing of the first few paragraphs. Not more than 100 words in and the protagonist is describing his current situation as “eternal madness” and a time period of 3 weeks apparently passes by while he’s wallowing in darkness. It might just be me but the pacing of this doesn’t seem convincing to a reader. Maybe spend a few words to describe the darkness in a way that drags out the opening, possibly foreshadowing the rest of the chapter. Is it shallow darkness? Likened to, possibly, having a tar covered bridal veil hung over your face > alluding to new beginnings when it’s taken off. Is it so deep that if he shouted he wouldn’t hear his own voice let alone an echo? You can spend quite a while here painting an eloquent picture of darkness, dropping little clues of what’s to come and giving us some spacing and possible introduction to the personality of the protagonist in how he interacts with the darkness over the 3 weeks he spends there. 3 weeks alone in the dark with no sense of feeling can send a man crazy, what keeps him from madness. So much potential to give us a deeper understanding of the protagonist here. Also, how a character perceives his surroundings in a book can be a reflection of what they are thinking/feeling. If he’s in a maddening well of eternal darkness for 3 weeks maybe his attitude towards his surroundings changes, maybe you can reflect that in different descriptions of his surroundings from day 1 to day 20. It’s possible to foreshadow an entire story in your description of the first environment using metaphor and pathetic fallacy and other such fancily named literary techniques. TL:DR Paint a picture worth at least a thousand words > pacing. Obviously that’s just one form of literature and the writing style you have may be the style you’re aiming for, just my 2 cents.

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  6. Just went to translatebyhumans.com

    Holy fukin shit

    It costs 550.80 dollars to translate (367 wo proofread)

    And that’s JUST CHAPTER 90!

    And I’m fucking sure they machine translate first. No way a company wouldn’t use its resources.

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  7. Is it too late for suggestions? Probably is, but some general suggestions anyways for the future: I recommend against writing in Japanese LN styles for school; their novels aren’t the highest quality to be honest. This applies not only to their writing, but genre as well, with reincarnation novels now being close to just formula fiction, it really limits the writer on what they need to do, and instead just pump out the same story over and over again with no value in it (main character wakes up in a new world, gains power, is overpowered, people get surprised, repeat). It’s somewhat enjoyable to read as a guilty pleasure and all, but for submitting to be reviewed by people who know a lot about writing, that isn’t something you want to do.

    For writing for school, you want to write literary fiction, stories that focus around the characters themselves; not on the plot, not on action, not on grinding and powering up, but on the questions of why does a character do what they do, what drives them, what do they want, why is it important that they reach their goal, and what happens if they don’t. Show who the characters are and give them life (through what they do, don’t just say who they are, that is one of the things I can’t stand in writing), and write a plot around their desires that ties in with the characters’ growth.

    That being all said, here’s a disclaimer that I don’t know that much about writing, I just took a creative writing course and did well in it is all. If you think you can write quality writing even with sticking to the reincarnation genre, go for it. This is just my experience with writing.

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